Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
