great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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