I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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