so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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