i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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