Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
