i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
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We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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