D3 body, D1 cock
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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