the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
