I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
