We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
