You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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