You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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