ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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