My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
