Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.