So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
