I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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