hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
