got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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