He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
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He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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