this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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