I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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