Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Randomize
