I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
