If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
