I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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