I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it's like iHOP with fire
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
