i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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