in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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