I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need water and some morals
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
