Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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