I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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