New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
cat food counts as protein by the way
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
