Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
