There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
