You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
