So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
