We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
