I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
