I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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