i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
