I'm going to jail i love you
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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