Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
