I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
