I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
