Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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The beer is more important than you right now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
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$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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