I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
