I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ttyl tear gas
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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