I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
