is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
