the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My vagina is officially offended.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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