alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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