Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Will exercising make me less horny?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
