How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
