in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
