heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
