I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
