dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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