i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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