Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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