Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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