They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
