oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize