I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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